Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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