oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
