so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
