I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
