Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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