I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
