Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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