How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
