I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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