May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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