Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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