The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
