i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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