Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
