Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize