He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
