Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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