omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
