who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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