i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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