you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
