so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
