I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
