If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
