I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
