Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
