i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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