if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Your cock deserves a montage
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
