i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize