I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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