and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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