Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
