apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize