Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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