how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
