I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
