My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
