I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
