I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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