I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
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We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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