the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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