I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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