totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
