to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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