you guys were way drunker than both of me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
