Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
