Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
