I'm lost and stupid without you.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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