I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
