you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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