I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
