Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
