it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
