dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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