That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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