I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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