I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
