Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
