I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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