I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
