I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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