Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
